Why Herpes Dating?

Dating is enough of a challenge on its own, but having herpes and dating can be especially tough. Do you tell people you have herpes? When do you tell? And is it still possible to find love while living with this virus? The answers are YES...RIGHT AWAY...and YES! Because it just makes sense to be a part of a website like Love, H Style to find somebody who is also living with the Herpes virus and is waiting to be loved again...just like you.

No more secrets being kept, no more confessions to make, and the weight is lifted right off your shoulders. Spread the word and tell people about us. The more people joining our party, the merrier. We are here to prove that yes, you CAN find love again...

Recognizing Herpes

Herpes is a sexually transmitted disease (STD) caused by a virus called Herpes Simplex. It's passed from person to person by contact with infected skin. You can get genital herpes by having sex with someone who has it. You can also get herpes by kissing someone who has an oral (mouth) infection, by having oral sex with someone who is infected, or by any skin-to-skin contact involving an infected area.

Herpes sores look like small blisters. When the blisters break, they leave small sores, also called ulcers, which can be very painful. The sores can take two to four weeks to heal. Many people report feeling a tingling sensation in the area before the blisters appear. When herpes infection occurs on the mouth and lips, it may appear as "cold sores" or "fever blisters." These aren't really caused by having a cold or fever; they're caused by the herpes virus, and they are highly contagious.

Having Herpes and Dating Someone New

If you have herpes, it's important to tell potential sexual partners before you become physically involved. Many people think that herpes can only be transmitted when there are active blisters or sores, but that isn't true. The virus still lives in the skin, even when it looks normal.

People with herpes face many fears about dating:

If I tell someone, will they still want to date me?
Will they think I'm a bad person?
Will they tell other people?
Will I ever be able to have sex again?

The most important thing to remember, when it comes to herpes and dating, is this: Your life isn't over just because you have herpes!

You can still date. You can still fall in love, and someone can still fall in love with you! Yes, you have an additional hurdle when it comes to finding new relationships. But many, many people have gotten over that hurdle and are happy with their lives — including their sex lives.

Why You Need to Tell

It's unrealistic to expect your dates not to care that you have herpes. Although there are medicines to keep outbreaks in check, there is no cure. Additionally, even when there aren't any sores, it's still contagious. Therefore, it is only reasonable for the man or woman you're dating to want to avoid becoming infected.

Many people with herpes say that it helps them "weed out" people who aren't truly serious about relationships. If your partner leaves you because you have herpes, that probably wasn't someone you'd want in the long term, anyway. While it can be hard to watch a relationship end like that, remember that you can find someone who will honestly care about you, even with an infection such as herpes.

Stories from People With Herpes

Reading other people's stories can be helpful. Here are some web sites with stories, message boards, and other forms of support for people with herpes:

The H-Files are real-life dating stories from people with herpes.
The Original Herpes Home Page has a message board with a success stories section full of hopeful stories and happy endings. The board also has discussions of treatments, relationship issues, herpes and pregnancy, and more.

For more advice and information, check out WebMD's All About Genital Herpes section. Not only will you find information about herpes, but also details on how to have safer sex, advice on getting back into the dating scene, and telling potential partners.

Protection

Protecting your partner is very important if herpes and dating are both part of your life. Unfortunately, there's no way to be 100% certain you won't transmit herpes to your partner. That is why it's important to tell. It's not fair to put someone else at risk without at least giving them a choice. Once you and your partner have agreed to take the chance, here are some things you can do to decrease the risk of transmission..

If you have genital herpes:

Use condoms. Condoms are only 10-15% effective in preventing herpes transmission, but it's a start. The main reasons why they don't work better include infection of skin that's not covered, skin contact before the condom is put on, and breakage or shifting of the condom.
Consider taking an antiviral medication. Acyclovir and valacyclovir decrease the frequency of outbreaks and the likelihood of transmission. They're usually prescribed for people who have frequent outbreaks, but your doctor can help you decide if one of these medicines would be right for you.
Abstain from sexual intercourse when you have an outbreak.

If you have oral herpes:

Avoid intimate contact (such as kissing) when you have an outbreak.
Use condoms or dental dams for oral-genital contact.
Consider antiviral therapy. Over-the-counter creams and gels are less effective than prescription medicines.

Comments

I have this gut feeling i have both types of herpes...i had chicken pox as a kid...but i have never had a cold sore...earlier last year i was raped and after that i went on this sexual rampage , and one night i went home with this guy from the club. We didn't end up having sex but we did kiss and he put his finger in my vagina...about two weeks or so after that my lips felt weird and i had little pin size pimple on only on my top lip and in the inner lip i felt burning...my tongue also felt weird on one side and my gums felt weird and the roof of my mouth hurt...it lasted a week and i went to the dentist and she said nothing looked wrong, but i feel like there is something wrong...now close to a month later the same thing is happening minus the small bumps on my lips and the tongue thing lasted 3 days but my lips are chapped and they hurt...i havent noticed an outbreak but im scared...i swear if i get oral herpes i might kill myself...im already close to the edge..and this seems like the push i need to finish everything off....HELP!! i feel like dying and i need help!

-- Contributed by: Janee

I just met this girl that I really like and after about 3 weeks she told me she has herpes. It was a shock but I really like her a lot. We have came close to sex a few time but never did now I understand why we didn't? Any advice

-- Contributed by: a confused guy

I feel like its all over, I'm really sorry to hear that you have herpes. I can tell that you are very upset right now. You need to remember that thousands of people have herpes and are still able to live a normal life. Assuming you have oral herpes, you should be able to kiss your kids whenever you do not have an active herpes outbreak around your mouth, which will be most of the time. Also, because you will not be kissing your kids with an open mouth like you do with your girlfriend, the likelihood of transmitting to your kids is low, even when you have an outbreak. I know its really hard right now, but just hang in there, Ok. I suggest you take a look at the website The Herpes Resource Center. It is a website made by people with herpes.

-- Contributed by: Rick Fulks

Exploit Rather Than Hide: Unfortunately herpes is quite prevalent in today’s world and many people actually carry the virus. Therefore, if you can do have herpes, it might be easiest to find someone to date who also has the disease. Instead of hiding the fact in your dating profiles, flaunt it. By attracting potential partners who also have the virus, you can cross one awkward conversation off your list.